How do you determine your self-worth?

What we do and how well we do them does not equal our identity and what we’re worth…

Have you ever felt as if you were thrown back and forth like waves in the sea? One moment you are in a good mood, and you feel on top of the world and the next moment something happens and you blame someone (or everyone else) for ruining your day? How is it that we can have a good day just to have a dreadful day the next moment? According to Very Well Mind someone experiences an identity crisis when a person questions their own sense of self or place in the world.

Where do you find your self-worth?

So often we determine our self-worth from something we do and how well we do it. In a split of a second something may shake our boats and disrupt our balance. You may go through a break-up, or maybe you’re concerned about economical situations, global politics, job security or a pandemic.

During changes like these, you may drown in feelings such as:

  • insecurity in your own value;

  • depressed due to loss of normal;

  • anxiety for the future and unknown; and

  • defensiveness in our vulnerabilities.

We tend to create mind-movies when we make assumptions and draw conclusions about what we think others may think or say, even if it never actually happened. I used to create these so many times. Coming from a communication background, I value dialogue and feedback to a great extent and when I would send someone a message and they didn’t reply, I would personalise things and create all kinds of excuses like I did something wrong, the person didn’t care what I had to say, that my voice didn’t matter or that I wasn’t good enough. Maybe you feel the same? From what other perspective could one look at this same situation? What could the other person’s truth be? How would they see the situation? Maybe they had a rough week and forgot… How would things change for you if you were to consider the other person’s context?

Validated by external factors

Many times, we may create our identities by the roles we fulfil and what we have, but we feel validated and accepted when we belong to a group, wear labels or own luxury properties in affluent areas.

How would your perspective about yourself change if these variables changed? Who would you be? When we need external factors to feel worthy, we allow ourselves to be validated by others and material objects.

I used to draw validation that I’m good enough from external factors before like the Provincial colours I received for synchronised skating. In my mind I was an athlete, a skater and part of a team, but when my provincial jacket was stolen, it felt like I lost part of my identity and I felt less worthy. It was like a part of my history was stolen with my jacket. I failed to recognise at that time, that the jacket was a mere representation of my skills. Skills no one could ever take away from me. As soon as I looked at this situation from a different perspective, things changed, and I could heal.

You may feel like you don’t fit in, but you were never meant to fit in. You were created to stand out and be unique.

The trap we fall into if we think this way about ourselves, is that we think we aren’t good enough. This is giving away authority over ourselves to others and things. We disempower ourselves and thereby limit our own potential and the change we can bring.

A standing ovation

I recently watched the new season of American Idols and I saw once again how, if people were who they thought others wanted them to be, didn’t perform well at all, but when they were exactly who they were, they got standing ovations because of their unique authenticity and abilities.

What are your core values?

How would your life change if you were to draw your values out and start to live who you are and not who you think other people want you to be?

Let’s build a caring community who build each other up, to encourage each other to be our unique selves and so become part of a cause greater than ourselves.

A while ago, when I felt like a blank canvas, I was at the point of recreating myself. Maybe you know what I mean… I had no idea who I was. I knew I was a child of God, but didn’t fully understand what it meant, so I started to look at His characteristics, His personality and His values. These traits are intertwined between the passages.

Honestly assess your worth by using your God-given faith as the standard of measurement, and then you will see your true value with an appropriate self-esteem.

Romans 12:3 (TPT)

The scriptures are filled with examples of bravery, courage, faithfulness, forgiveness, hope, joy even in tough times, justice, kindness, love, loyalty, peace, and truth.

When you read to gain knowledge, wisdom and understanding, you’ll receive these and more.

Who are you?

If you were to focus on your own core values, how would things change for you?

Allow me to take the liberty of answering this question. When you know who you are based on your values:

  • You empower yourself to choose how to express yourself in your own unique way.

  • This will determine what you do and how well you do it, rather than being determined by what you do.

  • You will be more authentic in what you do, you’ll be happier, more steadfast in your behaviour and your moods will be more stable as well.

Scripture says we have “not received the ‘spirit of religious duty,’ leading you back into the fear of never being good enough. But you have received the ‘Spirit of full acceptance,’ enfolding you into the family of God. And you will never feel orphaned, for as he rises up within us, our spirits join Him in saying the words of tender affection, ‘Beloved Father!’ For the Holy Spirit makes God’s fatherhood real to us as He whispers into your innermost being, ‘You are God’s beloved child?’.

Romans 8:15 (TPT)

You are enough

You don’t need to prove yourself to Him. He created you and accepted you unconditionally. You are His beloved child in whom He is well pleased. So go in peace, be free and be uniquely you. Draw your value from who He says you are. You inherited His characteristics. You are: brave, courageous, creative, generous, intelligent, kind, loving, peaceful, strong and filled with potential.